I'm both anxious and excited for the show tomorrow night. I know it's going to be a lot of fun, but I've been stressed and weird lately so I hope I can enjoy it.

Last year our New Year's show was amazing, and because of it I met some wonderful new friends from Massachusetts, but I actually had a really fucking terrible time. I guess I drank too much too quickly and decided that the only way I could get over being totally heart broken was to hear that person tell me that he didn't love me, and that we'd never be together. While I assumed it wasn't much of a request, he told me that he "couldn't lie". That was not at all what I wanted to hear (especially from someone who repeatedly told me they didn't want to play "head games") and I was totally devastated for the rest of the night.

I certainly don't expect anything like that to happen again, but I can't help but feel haunted by it.

This year there's no drinking and no ultimatums, but I am playing a set with a band that never practices or plays shows anymore, and I have to work until "close", and I have no idea when that is. I'm going to miss most of the show I'm helping host, and it's a piss off.

While things have definitely been tough for me over the last little while, I'm not a total bummer (as I feel my updates might imply).

For example, I decided to keep track of every hitchhiking ride I got in 2010, and since I'm not planning on thumbing it anywhere in the next 24 hours, it looks like the final number is 61. I was in 61 different strange vehicles this year over 8 different trips of varying lengths and distances. I'd say that's pretty decent! I've been having a lot of dreams about trains lately, but I still really really love to hitch hike. My parents get really worried and I completely understand why, but I've had such wonderful experiences that it's really hard for me to feel like I'm doing something dangerous. I can't wait for the days to get longer and the cold wind to fuck off so I can get on the road again. Having said, my pen pal in Richmond, Virginia told me in a letter today that you can get a bus from Toronto to RVA for $40. Super tempting.

Also, even though at this moment I'm still missing them, people I'm fond of are back in the city, and I have plans to make pumpkin waffles shaped like lions tomorrow morning.