I do my best to avoid going to sleep. (I feel like I've mentioned that on here before...)
One of the reasons is because I feel really uncomfortable when I'm lying in bed, waiting to fall asleep. I always feel like that's time I could spend doing something else, something more productive. I also used to cut down on my time sleeping so that I wouldn't dream. I've spent so much time with such an unhealthy mind that even though I never really have nightmares, I'm scared of the kind of shit my subconscious could show me while I'm sleeping and totally out of control.
I was in a great mood this morning at 3:30 when I finally folded up the sewing I was working on and decided to hit the hay, but for some reason my mind still decided to sleep hard and dream dreams that disturbed me so much I couldn't get out of bed until 9 minutes before my shift at work started. The dream itself wasn't even that bad, if I described it to you then it would just sound silly, but I still had a crippling emotional reaction to it.
I need to make peace with bed time. I wish I could choose to take naps and enjoy them, I wish I could look forward to getting a full night's sleep. If there's someone with me when I go to sleep then it's not so bad, I find myself distracted and comforted.
Ah, it's weird. Maybe I should take some supplements or something? Chop my caffeine intake?