So I did!
The transition to vegetarian was actually super easy, especially since my older sister had pretty much paved the way for me in our household. Shit, I already knew what the most delicious veggie burgers were.
After about a year of vegetarianism, I started to really think about my food politics. Ethical consumption became extremely important to me, and I started to consider veganism. It might have something to do with starting to attend a Buddhist school, but compassion and non-violence took center stage.
Also I TOTALLY got a crush on the CUTEST vegan boy. He gave me dreads, I went vegan, it was beautiful.
No really! We had a total blast, and having this relationship with him that developed out of our similar interests in food was very healthy for me.
When I met Alex, I was at my lowest weight and was at the height of my anorexia. I was terrified of food. I would be halfway through microwaving an organic black bean burrito and I'd panic and through it in the garbage.
Going vegan meant I couldn't rely on my staple ED foods. When I used to be able to get by on a cup of weird diet yogurt, I suddenly had to be more creative. Luckily, instead of finding other ways to support my disorder, I started to become more comfortable with food. Maybe this was because I was totally in love and was feeling more comfortable with my body? In any case, once I turned vegan I started to eat again.
Uh, we ate so much. God damn.
After a while of extravagant vegan eats, Alex and I realized that we couldn't really afford to keep up our lifestyle. Neither of us were making that much money, so we started dumpstering and stopped scrutinizing our food.
There were a few times where I toyed with the idea of going vegan again, but I never committed to it. I still bake things mostly vegan, because those are the cook books I have and I find it a lot easier.
Recently, however, I've been doing some re-evaluating. Yes, ultimately, I would love to be a vegan. I would absolutely love to be able to sustain myself without causing any pain or death or suffering to any other living thing, but that's just not realistic. At least not for me, and at least right now.
My main issue here is with soy. All these people who are so blinded by their love for nature and animals and the planet are swearing off flesh...by eating a genetically modified mono-crop that is thickly wrapped in plastic and sold at high prices by a company that is proud to support the Olympic Games (fuck you, Yves). It's just fucking backwards.
Soy products are bad for the environment, they're bad for our bodies, and way too many people are relying on them as substitution for their meat and dairy. It's unbalanced and unsustainable.
My problem is that I don't have the resources or the time to spend on acquiring and preparing healthy, local, organic vegan food. I get up at 6am every 3 weeks so I can go to the food bank and I take whatever I can get. I still don't eat meat, but I've had fish (locally caught, from the farmer's market) in the last few months because I can't access the alternatives I need to have decent levels of protein and good oils.
I don't want to eat the flesh of another being, and I don't want to use it's milk if it had to suffer for me to get it, but I also can't justify the destruction of forests and grasslands for the sake of a GMO. I also never really shook that fucking ED so that gets weighed in frequently when I'm making decisions about food (I could write an entire post on artificial sweeteners, but I wont).
I'm really fucked up over this, and I know I'll get it right eventually. I just need to make a game plan for myself and then work towards it. I had a job interview today at a grocery store's deli counter. My job would be to make fruit trays. Maybe a step in the right direction?
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