Jiggity Jig

I'm home I'm home I'm home I'm home!

Ever since I was a kid, I've never been able to spend more than a couple of weeks away from this city without getting super duper homesick. It's weird, I love to travel, but this city is so comfortable and welcoming to me.

I was super close to spending this rainy day lounging around, taking a day to get back into Halifax mode, but honestly I can't afford to do that. I love my home and my friends and my family and my cat, and none of them are going to benefit unless I get off my ass and get a job.

Ok, so I did lounge around a little today in the guise of a 4 hour chess & coffee date (swoon). Whatever, I think it was productive! Apparently I can play chess? Weird!

It was also beneficial since all the resumes I have printed off are in my closet (buried under everything I own), which for the moment is still sub-let, so since I was already downtown I was able to print off some shiny fresh resumes at the library.

I handed out 4, and I've already got an interview set up for tomorrow! It may be at a super bourgeois crepe restaurant, currently gentrifucking an amazing North End neighborhood, but it's something. Also, it's potentially a position as a line cook, which would be some super awesome experience.

I also applied at an Indian take-out place, and for some reason I reeeeally want them to call me. Is that weird? There's just something so comforting about the idea of spending the winter up to my elbows in curry.

Wednesdays are pretty great

I'm still kind of reeling from my shitty past few days, but I'm definitely feeling better.

I had a really beautiful moment today of rolling across the commons on a long board, cuddled up to a newly purchased batch of wort. Ryley and I transport many things across the city on long boards (beer, guitar amps, our punk rock selves) and there's something about it that just feels kind of cute and honest. Now I'm sitting at the kitchen table with my room mates, a packet of liquid yeast stuffed down the front of my overalls (so it activates faster), listening to sad songs and waiting to go to band practice. It's nice.

I hope this beautiful weather keeps up, as I'm hitting the road tomorrow. I'm going to be away from Halifax for the next month, getting some traveling in before the snow and making some money in Ontario so I can put off getting a job for just a little bit longer.

fuck mondays

Sticking around in a crowded house, with my rapist in the next room, so that I could play some out-of-tune songs with my drunk and aggressive room mate and then carrying my guitar home in the rain was not actually how I had wanted to spend my evening.

Nowhere is safe anymore. And no one cares anymore.

Punx tour the Island

We (The Official Suckers) played a show in PEI with Kit Wilson-Yang and our good friends Story and Cud. Our buddies Mogli and Steve Believe came along, and a damn good time was had!

I really, really love the ferry. We played bananagrams (not pictured) and stood around in the wind, watching the red dirt get closer and closer.

My friends are absolutely gorgeous.

Even Mogli, even when she makes the above facial expression.

Story.

Cud Eastbound

The show was a lot of fun. It was at a bar I've been to before, and they were kind of pricey but it didn't matter since I wasn't drinking anyway. Folks seemed to enjoy us, and they REALLY enjoyed Kit's set! An encore was demanded!
It was a good end to the little tour. We dumpstered some doughnuts (did you know that in PEI, the Tim Horten's have completely separate green bins to put their coffee grounds in so that you don't get doughnuts covered in coffee? GENIUS! Also, I wonder if there are any people reading this who don't know what this means at all....), I got to drive the van back to Story and Cud's cabin in the woods, and we drank tea by lamplight, shared stories and went to bed.I tell ya, every time I go to the Land, I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm either cold or I have to pee or both. The fire has usually gone out, and I'm not one to get up in the pitch black and head out into coyote country to find to the outhouse, so I usually just try to sleep it off, but I almost always end up just rolling around uncomfortably until daylight.

Story and Cud have hens! I'm super jealous! They're all round and fat and make the most ridiculous noises. They smelled terrible and none of them laid while I was there, but I still thought they were cool as heck. I wanted to pick one up and squeeze them.

Autumn means house shows!

Summer is officially over, my room mate/best friend has returned home from her travels, and Halifax is starting to feel normal again.

This means, of course, that we had the first house show of the season at the Roarphanage last night.

Mogli's new band, Snail Party, started the show. It was originally just her and Beyon, but somehow while I was away the band exploded to something like 6 or 7 members.

They were really fantastic. Everyone who plays in this band (I don't know if the photos are clear enough, but there's banjo, guitar, violin, cello, accordion, and saw) is amazing at their instrument. I'm so excited for there to be a group with a string section!

Sockfoot played after, more cello, more beautiful tunes. I am so excited for Mary (the guitarist on the left) to finally record. I don't think I'd ever take her album out of my stereo.

Kit Wilson-Yang, from Montreal, played third. (This is probably the clearest shot I have, they move a much while playing...). I am suuuuuuch a fan, it's kind of hard to be normal around them, you know? I first heard them last summer at a show at Pacific Flavour, and then we played with them last winter when we toured through Ottawa. I have to stop myself from singing their songs too loudly around the house...

We're (The Official Suckers) are doing a mini-tour through the maritimes with Kit over the next few days. We played Moncton a few nights ago, and then we're going to play in PEI on Sunday.

I don't have any photos from our set, but as you can see Ronnie Boy was doing a great job of promoting Mogli's merch, dinosaurs are excited that Pumpkin Ale is in season again (it is seriously the best beer!), and Mogli is absolutely the cutest in the world.

There goes my posi

Um fuck.
Despite being super-cautious, and preaching consent, and doing what I thought was constantly checking in with my partners, I managed to twice cross boundaries and make someone uncomfortable (in a row!) without realizing it.

I feel super shitty and lost a lot of sleep about it. On the one hand, I wish they had told me the first time that something I was doing was making them uncomfortable, but on the other hand I should not have assumed anything. I should have asked questions, and because I didn't I caused a super weird rift between us.

It's a good thing that this person and I are on great terms and are quite close, so I know we can work past this.

I feel like I've learned a lot, and I know I'll be less inclined to fuck up like this in the future (I'm going to be realistic here and not say I'll never make that mistake again. I'm human.), I just wish it hadn't come at this expense.

Sex is complicated and weird. Are we ever going to get it right?

Hey girl, you're the prettiest thing I've seen all day. That smile looks good on you.

The above comment was directed towards me last week as I was walking home from busking downtown. I was kind of deep in thought, so I didn't have time to react the way I normally do to cat-calling: with disgust. I was caught off guard, threw him a quick smile and mumbled "Thanks".

After walking a few steps, I realised what had happened and was surprised at myself. Actually, I think I was more surprised at the fact that the man had said anything to me at all.

Back when I was in highschool, that kind of event was much more common. I used to get shouted at, honked at, hit on in bars, whatever. But things have changed since then. Recovering from my eating disorder means I've gained a significant amount of weight, but becoming more comfortable with my self and having amazing support from wonderful people means I've been better equipped to handle it. I'm gradually getting closer to genuinely liking my body, but it's a long fuckin' road.

Sometimes I feel like I willingly descend into "ugliness". There are times when I look at myself in the mirror and am repulsed by what I see, but somehow I find it satisfying. Maybe this is me seeking empowerment? I don't know, maybe I'm trying to strike a balance between looking the way I want, and liking the way I look.

I can't really decide what I want more, to be ultimately happy with however I look, or to finally achieve the sort of appearance I've been striving for. It's really fucking tough.

Whichever one gives me more confidence, the better. Honestly, I think my discomfort with my body is holding me back from having the kind of relationships I want to have with people. I'm still very guarded and shy most of the time, and don't take many risks at all. It fucking sucks.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I didn't get offended when that man spoke to me on the street, but after 9 months of being single, pretty lonely, and feeling rather down on myself, I was flattered.