WARNING! THIS POST CONTAINS NUDITY, GRAPHIC IMAGES, AND SUPER-OFFENSIVE TEXT!

So I just quit my job at X-Citement. Quitting jobs is one of my least favorite things to do,but it usually goes better than I expect it to.

The job was interesting, and I there were a lot of fun aspects to it, but it was really starting to wear me down. Not just physically (the shifts were longer than I'm used to, and it was an hour of busing a day), but mentally and emotionally.

I went in to the job fully aware that pornography is problematic in a number of ways, but all I really thought of before going in was it's sexist, patriarchal aspects. I know the women in porn (het porn, for the most part) are treated like objects, and are subjected to countless humiliations for the enjoyment of the (predominantly male) audience. Women get pissed on, get cum in their eyes, get thrown around, etc. One of the only reasons I could tolerate these films was because the women are (for the most part) consenting adults, and well-paid ones for that matter. Would I let someone cum in my eye for several thousand dollars? Probably.

What I didn't consider before taking the job, was the tremendous cis-sexism and racism in the porn industry. I worked with adult movies when I was at Video Difference, but we didn't really have that much selection. At VD we had a huge gay section, a really stellar lesbian section (and not just "girl-on-girl" shit aimed at straight men, the lesbian section was probably the most tasteful selection in that store. Women of every size and colour were represented), and a "regular" section. We had maybe one or two titles that included trans-women, and a few "interracial" ones. Everything VD was sent was totally random, so there weren't enough of the same kind of movies to make sub-categories.

At X-Citement, they have a whole "interracial" section. One of the issues I had with this was that they didn't even just limit it to actual interracial couples, but if there was a woman of colour on the cover, it would be included in that section even if it was a black girl doing scenes with a black man.
Then there was the horrifying titles like:

This girl probably can't get a job without someone mentioning the fact that she's Asian. While there are issues of sexism and nasty treatment of women in "normal" porn, the women in those films (let's say Pirates, Body Heat, Fallen, Older Women Younger Girls #3, In Anal Sluts We Trust, etc) are overwhelmingly white. Women of colour are consistently cast in films that are entirely based around fetishizing them. If there's an Asian porn actress without a gag reflex, she still probably wont get cast in a blow job movie. She's Asian first, a woman second. It scares me to think how the person that gets off to these movies will treat or even think about the women of colour they see on a daily basis. It's the same for black and latina women.

Then there's shit like this:

Tiny white girls are constantly getting paired up with large black men. The men are reduced to aggressive thugs with huge dicks, and the "poor, unsuspecting, wholesome white girl" gets, I dunno, corrupted or some shit.

The other problems I've been have are with the trans porn. Not only is the selection of queer films at X-Citement pitiful and embarassing, the "Transgender" section is hard to stomach. These women are referred to as "she-males" and "T-Girls" and are either "tricking" men with their "naughty secret" or are being tortured. It really makes me feel like an extremely unsafe world is being created (perpetuated?) for trans women.

I do believe there is such a thing as tasteful porn. I do believe that people of all genders and races can be portrayed in a sexual, respectful way. I want there to be Thai trans girls expressing themselves sexually, I want white girls to have sex with black men, I want everyone to be able to own their sexuality and if they want to make a career out of it, I just want everyone to be respected as HUMAN BEINGS for fuck's sake. I just can't hack the objectification and fetishization and belittling and humiliation any more.

Also, I only got like, a 10% discount on vibrators and that simply will not do.

I've been thinking a little bit lately about inclusivity, and how our social groups tend to be rather poor at it.
I was reading an article a little while ago on someone's blog about how acronyms are really exclusive and can lead to confusion and just a general lack of communication (one of the examples given was using "TW" instead of "Trigger Warning". I can remember coming across "SI/TW" in a few livejournal communities I used to frequent and it took me a long time to figure out that it mean "Self Injury/Trigger Warning")
I put a show poster up on the bulletin board at work and one of my coworkers read it and asked "What does PWYC mean?" and while it's super obvious to my immediate circle that it means Pay What You Can, I think it's a little short sighted of us to assume that everyone reading the poster is going to get it.
I wonder how many times people have walked by a show poster, say the "$5 or PWYC" and just wrote off the show because they figured they couldn't afford it and didn't realize they could come anyway.

Well, yesterday was probably the best Valentine's day I've had in a while (last year I was on tour in Ottawa, and went to meet a bunch of friends at a bar but they'd moved on without letting me know. Not stoked). As much as I tried not to celebrate it, I do work at a sex toy/porno shop so it was kind of hard to avoid it.
It was the best shift I've had at X-Citement so far, and I'm definitely getting a lot more comfortable helping customers. It's not that I have any problems talking about sex toys with total strangers, I just have no idea what we have in stock yet or whether any of it is any good. The fact that I've been so interested and have studied up on sex and bodies and toys just out of plain curiosity over the years is definitely paying off ("No, sir, I don't believe anyone offers a pill that will give you a bigger 'load' when you ejaculate, I think you're just gonna have to save up for a little bit").
One think I'm pretty stoked about is that almost every customer I have is a lot older than I would typically expect to see browsing a sex shop. I realize there's this popular idea of the "dirty old man", and while it's true that almost every person through our door is a grey-haired, mustached, truck-driving man in some sort of hunting apparel, they're really not what I expected. The customers we got at Video Difference were usually socially awkward, constantly sweating, and completely avoided eye-contact with the female-bodied clerks. At X-citement, there's no shame (from what I can tell), and the dudes that one would expect to get the most vapid, oppressive, misogynist porn, wind up being the ones who buy hot pink vibrating nipple clamps, and talk about how embarrassing it is trying to explain the hook for their sex swing to their visiting adult children.
I mean, of course not everyone is perfect. I had a guy the other day making extremely tasteless jokes with my manager, but she was eating it right up. Obviously I'm never going to find a job that's in a completely PC environment, and if I did it would probably make me sheltered and naiive and completely ill-equipped to deal with real life.
No work today, for both Steve and myself, so we're at the cafe/hostel down the street, trying to make albums happen for Mistake Makers, Stagnant Stars, and the Rumble Strips. Busy busy busy! Winter is almost over!

Another day,

Another impulsive haircut. Feeling super body-conscious as of late, which isn't anything unusual, but it's certainly been exacerbated by the fact that I spend all looking at porn stars. Oh, and also the fact that there's a security camera on the wall behind the desk at work, pointed exactly where I sit, so during my 5 hour shifts I get to stare at my own back. I've learned that wide screen monitors are not friendly, and that I was right to stop wearing a bra before. My hour of commuting each day has got me reading The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf, so hopefully I'll be feeling better soon.
Aside from the fact that I kind of want to be invisible all day, the new job is working out pretty well. I kind of forgot that X-Citement sells toys as well as renting porn, so it's way more intriguing than I expected it to be. Today I spent like, an hour wandering around, putting batteries in the different toys that I was curious about. They have a vibrator that turns on when you receive a call or text on your cellphone! How cool is that? That would be so good for distance relationships! Most of the toys are pretty silly, but I'm sure that they've all had lots of thought put into them (some probably too much).
Most of the day was spent putting away magazines and pacing around and chuckling at the bad english translations on packaging and gagging at the idea of flavoured lube. Super snowy today, most patrons didn't seem up to the trek.

Last night we played Rockin' 4 Dollars for the 3rd week in a row. I had a good time, even though I wasn't really feeling the event. It's quite a commitment, going down and playing and then sticking around until after 2am. But at least we sounded good and we played a brand new song and it went really well.
the Rumble Strips also played, seeing as Kelly has finally joined the ranks of those that can buy their own drinks, smokes, and can either listen to or make music that's loud enough to be heard late at night.

Also also we've all sort of been collectively band-crushing on this sweet band called The Nymphets, who've also played the last 3 weeks in a row. They rock so hard, and are so sweet, and it's so nice to see other kids wearing plaids and big-framed glasses in a bar that has become uncomfortably punk rawk.
We asked them on a date to play our tour kick off show and they agreed! Stoked!

  

Little xHoneyxWhutx is heading to BC for 2 months with Mogli and Beyon.
I don't know how we're going to break the news to Ruckus...

I JUST GOT A JOB

AT X-CITEMENT VIDEO IN DARTMOUTH!
AAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Almost exactly a year ago, I went on my first ever tour with The Official Suckers (I'm not counting that one time Rowan and I hitchhiked to Truro to play a show with Starla!, Todi, and Brad). I got to hear a bunch of inspiring new musicians, saw countless new places, and met some of the sweetest people I've ever had the pleasure of befriending. To top it all off, I got it experience it all with my best friends, while helping spread music that's really important to a lot of people.
Lucky for me, I get to have another experience like this again this year, only with a (mostly) different band! Mistake Makers are hitting the road March 2nd and I am fucking pumped. While we may not be heading to palm tree infested South Carolina this winter, we'll be hitting up a lot of under-represented Canadian towns, and visiting a lot of very dear friends this side of the border.
I am so fucking excited!
Come watch my band play music!

Multitasking

Pretty sweet snow day, in my opinion. As I'm knitting, I'm checking out some new music blogs, downloading a fuck ton of music, and compiling it into play lists.
Also eating "Asian" salad, and sipping vanilla hazelnut coffee. Snow days are great food bank days, I guess.