In Which Riot Downsizes

So. Cows.

Recently your efficiency and productivity have been called into question.

Just what, exactly, do you have to offer?

Oh, milk. Right. That would be a pretty acceptable answer, however...

They have almonds do that now.

Security will escort you out.

In Which Riot Recovers

I've had some time to relax.
Remember yesterday when I said there was one person here still stoked on Halifax? I got to spend a lot of time with him today and it made me feel a LOT better. We walked around in the rain, got some gear from Pacific Flavour and finally started to make a batch of home brew - one of those little projects we always talk about but never put in to action.
After I spent a little time talking to another friend, we got back together and smoked some hookah and made more summer plans.
He's a really special friend and we see a lot of things the same way. I'm confident we're going to help eachother through.

In Which Riot Gives the Fuck Up

A few days ago I was ranting to a friend about how furious apathy makes me. I've been on such a kick of productivity and involvement and action that the idea that people in my community weren't actively trying to change the world around them totally baffled me. I was under the impression that Neo-Liberalism and capitalism and opression and war were bad things, so why aren't people getting off their asses and doing something about it?

And now today, everything has changed. I caught myself saying "what's the point" so many times today that I feel like my life has been scripted by a shitty practical joker.
How can I possibly justify putting effort into a place that has crushed the souls of almost every person that's important to me?

EVERYONE I LOVE IS LEAVING.

My old friends, my new friends, my best friend, the person I've loved (and still love) more than anyone. The only people I've slept with in over a year. All leaving with no intent to return. Even my fucking father has left this city! One of my room/band mates is using the summer travel season as a way to scope out somewhere new to live.

I was feeling left behind before, but then I came up with a project to keep myself occupied over the summer. But what FUCKING good will venue/cafe/book/cd store do if there's no one here to see it? How can I risk so much and put my heart into something in a city that no one can stand to live in?
Eventually more people will come to Halifax, fall in love with it and stay here, and then I'll become attached to them, and then they'll be come cripplingly depressed and leave. And I'll go through this shit all over again.

I don't know how I'll be able to stay here. There is one person who I care about who will be here over the next while that actually loves Halifax, and if he weren't here I don't think I'd be able to stay.

I fucking came back to Halifax last summer simply because I was in love with someone who was excited to be here, and now it has completely destroyed him and he can't wait to get away and stay away.

Why do I live here? I'm not doing what I want. All the people I love are leaving. All but one member of my family has moved to Ontario.

This is such bull shit!

FUCK!

I'm fucking torn apart and I don't have a fucking clue what I need to do to fix it.

In which Riot says hello?

Oh, so apparently there have been a bunch of folks who know me checking out my last post (on abuse).
Hello!
A few people have contacted me with support and questions, and I want to thank you, and encourage others to do the same. If anyone has any questions at all or comments or would like to discuss anything with me, then my e-mail is mc.rosie@gmail.com.