Saturday, July 19, 2008

In which we are introduced, and Riot bitches about meaningless B.S.

I don't have time for this, damn it!
I work in 2.75 hours, and I have shit to do before then.
I don't have time for you!
I don't have time for myself!
I don't have time for anyone!
I have been utterly unsuccessful at planning and organizing and time-managing. I never see my mother and I haven't spoke to my brother in weeks. I have to pay my phone bill and my credit card bill and I should go to the doctor and maybe clean my room and do the dishes. I should finally call all those old friends I pass on the street and say "Hey, I'll give you a call some time!", especially since it irritates the piss out of me when old friends never keep their word.
I should volunteer my time, not waste it all. I should be creating and exploring and expanding and inventing and growing and evolving but I've become more stagnant than anything else. Ideas flood my brain all day and all night. I feel creative energy whirring around inside me, but when the time comes to tap it, it's dissipated and I feel empty and dumb.
I wear myself out and it's pathetic, because I never actually DO anything! I work and I drink and I "sleep". Most of my free time I spend admiring Mr. Herc and all the wonderful things he accomplishes. All the wonderful things he does while I'm at work.
So.
I didn't have time for this, but I did it anyway. I don't have time for a shower, but I'm going to have one of those as well. I don't have time to drive downtown and buy a habanero plant and pick him up from work, but gosh DANG it, I'm gonna do that too!
Tonight I am going to drink my face off and go to the Deerhoof show and have a lot of fun and feel a lot better than I do right now. Right now I feel driven, and sort of like I need a kick in the ass. Or two.
Next time, on things I don't have enough of: Money!