In which Riot takes the first step toward recovery by admitting she procrastinates

Well that didn't quite work out now, did it?
I'm such a Tigger. I always start things with such zeal and then let it all fall to bits.
Maybe I'm just a shitty writer? I mean, of course I'm a shitty writer, and here's your proof. But maybe I'm just not meant to log this shit away? I'm a shitty photographer, too.

My entire universe has shifted in the past few months, and it's not even close to done yet. Maybe that's what life is supposed to be like - constantly getting tugged out from under your feet, and then you've got to scurry to stay on top of it, otherwise you get taken for a ride. Not that I feel completely side-swiped by recent events, some of them have been quite amazing! In fact, I truely feel that despite all the suffering I've felt this winter/spring, I am I happier person and there is very little I would change.

The plan is to take off in 2 weeks. I've given my notice at the best job I've ever had, I'm leaving my first apartment, my loving parents, and now the best damn group of friends I've ever had.

Am I fucking crazy?

Yes. And I plan on getting much crazier this summer. I want to push myself to the limit and actually EXIST in this world and feel alive and like maybe life isn't just a bunch of shit that we put ourselves through because we're too afraid to die.

One of the weirder parts is that I was excited to go off and live a new life in a new city and become a responsible adult and go to school and maybe get a job where I have to appear and behave according to someone else's standards to get a lot of money, but in a flash that's all become such an obviously crap goal! I want to go and make friends and breath air coming out of trees I've never seen before and make music and make art and do everything on my own terms.

And then I want to come back.
No, I have to come back. So many people just itch to get away from their home town so they can go somewhere "better". Maybe the reason that I stuck around here for my entire 21+ years is because there is no "better"! This is "best"! No only is it an amazing place to call home, but it's like an awesomeness magnet, and the most wonderful people in the world are coming and building and sharing and staying and HOW COULD I LEAVE THIS FOREVER?

I feel inspired and encouraged and admired and challenged and eager. And I feel love! Instead of me running away from my neuroses and fear and insecurities, I'm now prepared to go off and adventure and learn, and then bring back everything I'll gather for my friends. Extend the magnet of awesomeness to the far reaches of this country, and then reel it all back in.

Mmm.